Journal

I realize now that I have been going through the effects of Trauma and through the effects of Trauma on my PTSD and my affective disorder. I was confused. I thought by using the word Trauma it meant that I had recently experienced a major traumatic event in my life and that is not true. I simply started telling my story to my MSW after my parents had passed because I had always been silent out of politeness. What I did not realize is that that process can cause Trauma physically and emotionally. But I am in good care and I have been doing this WordPress Site as a Hobby for three years now working towards recovering my language skills and music skills. I do believe that as a child I realized there would come this time when I would go through the difficulty of the effects from discussing how badly I was hurt. Which I don’t discuss here. I discuss my best friend in school, Eddie. My love of music. And how languages make me feel. I do believe that Eddie and I did something important in our lives when were young before he passed away. I think we had the opportunity to help in a world that needed it. I don’t discuss that much either. But I want to say if once in the past you didn’t hear an anonymous voice that cared, this a little bit about me and why. The phrases in the three languages are getting easier and more enjoyable and they are starting to give me a direction for a little while. Imagine two young kids in an open concept experimental school talking in French, Italian, or Hebrew to each other in school or while traveling. Imagine a 65 year old man whose past was mostly gone from PTSD… not because of Traumatic events that his mind was hiding from. But his perspective was and always would be… tell me more about Eddie. Imagine how I feel being able to recount some of our conversations just now. What kind of relationship did we have. We were best friends. We were both single. For me it was because the world did not seem safe to raise a family or to have many close to me. And I hesitate. I restrain. And I clean past post until I am comfortable again. I will probably rephrase this post in to something more expressive and less personal, but trust me please. What I believe that Eddie and I did would garner your interest if I could tell you. And I hope my writing skills sre doing their job. I have studied as a child how to write professionally despite the CAPD. I use Browning’s skills in my Poetry and Prose. Locally I have received in my younger yeears in college frequent awards. First Place on my first short story in College. There is some talent and skill there. And I do believe an interest that I wish I could fully embrace, but perhaps another day while these wait until then.